As we wrote yesterday, Time named George Bush its "Person of the Year." But, as we also wrote, who cares? Not us. So let's move on.
Newsweek fronts Barack Obama, about whom plenty of ink has already been spilled, and tells us "Who's Next," among them Tom Castro, "The Latino Radiohead." (Sorry: that's not as cool as it sounds.) The magazine also speculates about a presidential run by pot-smoker-turned-values-pol Rick Santorum. U.S. News goes all Dr. Phil on readers, telling us 50 ways to fix our lives. (How did they know they were broken?) Remember, damaged Americans, change "is a marathon, not a 100-yard dash," according to one professor. So break out the running shoes. Or something.
Speaking of Dr. Phil, The New Republic's Michelle Cottle ain't such a big fan. In a cover story subtly tagged "Dr. Evil," she eviscerates Oprah's protege, calling him a hypocritical bully with a messiah complex. "McGraw relies on much the same exploitative freak-show format as Jerry Springer or Jenny Jones, with everyone from drug-addicted housewives to love-starved transsexuals spinning their tales of woe for a salivating audience," she writes. "But to help himself -- and his audience -- feel less icky about their voyeurism, Dr. Phil exposes America's dark side under the guise of inspiring hope and change."
The editors of The Weekly Standard, meanwhile, are worried that people aren't saying "Christmas" enough. Seriously. In a separate piece criticizing Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the Standard also says the Army needs at least 250,000 more troops. "The best way to save the Army from collapse under strains too great to bear," writes Frederick W. Kagan, "the best way to prepare the nation for the long, hard struggles that lie ahead, is to return the Army to the size it maintained throughout the end of the last long, hard struggle" -- the Cold War.
Finally, The Economist looks at one of the world's last personality cults. Last April, several North Koreans died trying to save portraits of Kim Jong Il, their "pudgy dictator," after a train carrying explosives blew up and set buildings ablaze. Why? In part, because unrelenting government propaganda has convinced many North Koreans that Kim has their best interests at heart. Then, of course, there's also the fact that everyone is spied upon. (Citizens, fearful of being sent to frozen prison camps, are particularly careful not to voice opposition to the official line, which holds that Kim "is the greatest composer of operas, the greatest engineer and, despite having played the game only once, the greatest golfer of all time.")
Hard to argue with a guy who composes great opera, builds mammoth hydroelectric projects, makes Tiger Woods look like an amateur -- and sends dissenters to a frigid hell on earth.
